Oh man is this stressful. It’s going to be rough when the big kids come home. I was hoping it would just roll into life as normal, but I guess not. This is going to be challenging.
At least we got some good news today. We had CPS in our lives again. Our case worker is fantastic, though terribly busy. She’s got her hands full. I could never do her job. However, I’m glad she’s there doing it. Our lives wouldn’t be the same without her. We were told we couldn’t have the kids stay at the house because of the bug problem we had. We also had just found out we had bed bugs just before she showed up. We’ve been staying with family while we get the house in order. Today we got the go-ahead to go back home. It’s such a relief. Of course, we aren’t back home tonight. Tomorrow we’ll be back home. I’m looking forward to it.
At the same time, the separation from my kids is getting harder and harder. It’s not easy to hear Cords say she doesn’t want to come home. She said some things that were really hard to hear tonight. A part of me would love to go into it. I’d love to get the support I know I would find here. My readers have always given me so much confidence, courage, and encouragement and I love you all for it. I just don’t want to put it all out there like that. I just know that this isn’t a normal visitation situation. That makes it so much harder. I love my kids, but it seems like Corde is starting to question that. It’s hard to hear her say what she has. It can’t be easy to be stuck in the middle. I just don’t know what to do, and I have a feeling I’m going to be the big meanie for making her come home for a while. I just hope we have enough fun at the co-op that she can quickly get over being mad at me.
Beekee will be a whole different case. I”ve hardly talked to him since he left. I don’t even know what to think there. I love him. I miss him. At the same time I feel like he’s cutting me out. I know he’ll bounce back quicker than his sister. He’ll be excited about the science projects, art classes, and everything else. He’ll love the books. He’s going to quickly remember how much fun homeschooling can be.
Right now I have to take it one day at a time. I have to remind myself that this will all be home soon. I have to remind myself of all the good things we have in the works this year. I need to acknowledge the things being done that are just grasping at straws. I need to let them go and not get riled up by an attempt to push my buttons. We’ll be back to normal and at peace before long. I can’t anticipate the next attempt to get under my skin. I just need to focus on the positive and how good it will feel to hear my kids in person, to see them again. I miss them so much!