Trailer Park Unschoolers

Because you don't need to be rich to unschool!

A Word About Respect

5 Comments

I’ve been hearing a lot about respect lately. A lot of parents I know have been on that subject with their kids. The whole personal boundaries thing seems to the big issue in our house. No one seems to get that it’s not always appreciated to burst someone’s bubble of personal space. Then there’s respecting other people’s needs.

In this house there’s a good deal of disrespect. Corde is sadly the worst offender. Several times a day I hear, “Mom! The boys won’t stay out of my room!” At first I figured it was just that she suddenly was hitting the point where she wanted a little privacy. I went with it until it started happening all day long. I know the boys wouldn’t be that hard to keep away from her, so I started paying closer attention. Corde would go in the boys’ room, pick on them, then run back into her room. No doubt they’d follow and be told to get out and leave her alone, which they didn’t want to do because she was just in their room bugging them!

Then there’s poor Luca. Today is a perect example of how well they respect his needs. They weren’t trying to be mean, so I will give them that much. It just worked out that Corde and Beekee started fighting just after Luca went down for his 11am nap. He woke up after 15 minutes or so because of it. He tried again for a nap around 3pm, generally when he makes it up if he decides on an afternoon nap instead. This time he got about 20 minutes before Sander woke him up by making a whole loud to-do about pretending to eat the chips on a granola bar package. Then Corde and Beekee started getting into it again, which was all the already stirring Luca could take. He was awake for good.

I know the kids don’t mean to wake Luca up, but a part of me wants to come in some time over the night with blaring music just so they can see how it feels in reverse, but I know that won’t do any good. They’ll just be miserable for me the next day because they’re tired. It’ll just make things even worse.

As for Corde, I don’t know what’s gotten into her. She’s still been getting up at night. She’s trained her body to br hungry at night so breaking her of that habit won’t be easy. We had a long talk about that the other day and the answer she gave made me twitchy. She said there’s an angel in the front of her head and a devil in the back giving her ideas. She doesn’t know why she listens to the devil.

Of course, for some of you that may not seem like a big deal, but I follow science and logic, not religion. A lot of religion doesn’t work with logic. Noah’s ark is a good example, as is God being male yet women are the ones who “create” and nurture. It just doesn’t make sense to me. This whole faith thing is starting to male me feel like my.family is being divided. Beekee’s like me right now, logic, not religion. Corde has always been the one to jump on board with religion. This has been the hardest part of unschooling for me. I have to accept that this is right for Corde and Oz.

And that brings me to another point of respect that’s going to be difficult for me. I was listening to someone talk in the mother’s room with Luca. I hate being whisked off to seclusion to nurse him, but the chairs were comfortable and I was hoping Luca would finally take a much needed nap. They were encouraging people to spread the word about the faith. I find that to be disrespectful. I don’t want people trying to push their faith on me. Honestly, before one of the missionaries that came over was moved on in his journey, I could handle it. The guy who replaced him drives me nuts. He’s so pushy about wanting Oz to get baptized. He was disappointed that I wasn’t going to be there last week when they were here because I was heading out to pick up a convection oven we scored on Freecycle. Origionally I was supposed to have a play date scheduled and wouldn’t be home. He wants a time where he can sit down with me too, and I don’t know how to tell him I’m not interested in express enough terms, but not be rude. I’ve given Christianity a try for about six months now and I find it’s the idea of community that appealed to me, but that was all. How can I expect my family to respect my choices when the guests in our own home are trying to convert me? It just doesn’t logically work.

I think I’m not making much sense. It’s gray. I’m tired. I just got a bunch of 64 oz Odwala Original Superfood smoothies since they were almost half off. So far I’ve had one of them a day. In comparison to my horrible diet this past year and being drained from nursing, I needed a kick in the butt. I don’t know if I can describe how it feels, aside from being very much like the year I tried to go vegan. I’m still eating normally, so no worries there. I can just tell my body is wondering what to do with all the nutrients I’m taking in. Already I’ve been feeling worlds better. At least I can be an example if one thing to my kids. I can show them what a difference healthy decisions can make…once I’m done catchinh up.from all the missed sleep due to Luca’s allergies. I think it’s time for a nap…

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Author: Fox

With four kids in the house, who has time for much? Well, we're trying to make it work, trying to get as close to our unschooling roots as we can while state restrictions and family pressures try to stand in our way. Every day is a new adventure.

5 thoughts on “A Word About Respect

  1. I understand about overbearing people. There are some in my own Christian circles that personality wise, they aren’t my taste, but that’s okay. God made us all different for a reason. Sometimes, I look around at others and wonder what those reasons could be, but He has them.

    Just tell this man you appreciate his concern, but your faith is between you and God. As for being baptized–that’s also between Oz and God. Again, thank him for his concern. Hopefully he’ll get the hint. Sounds like a nice man, but a bit over-zealous.

    You and I could have some deep conversations on logic and God. Our minds seem to work the same. One thing to remember is that God created logic and science, and put everything into perfect motion. What we as humans do is sometimes tend to try to out think Him in our pursuit of understanding. Sometimes the answers aren’t as difficult as believe them to be. In the case of Corde and her “Devil made me do it” excuse, you need to remind her that we all have free will. No one–not even the Devil at the end of her bed makes her do anything. She chooses to listen to the Devil instead of the Angel. She knows what is right because the Angel at the head of the bed. When she gave you this visual, I don’t think she’s literally seeing a devil and an angel, it was just a way her young mind could express an abstract concept. But using the “devil made me do it” excuse is the way of putting the blame onto someone else and not taking responsibility for our own actions. Can you tell I’ve had this conversation before?

    • You always bring such a fresh perspective to the conversation! I love your suggestion of saying it’s between me and God. Maybe that will stall him for a while at least. It’s true too. A spirital choice should be between that person and whatever entity or energy they believe in. I know he’s just trying to do something good for us, but pushing it on another person just doesn’t work.

      I see what you mean about the discussion with Corde. I just had to roll my eyes because there was a time when she would have never said something like that. It’s just hard for me to hear because I kind of think she wants to go to.church for all the wrong reasons. She wants to go because her friends go. She wants to get baptized because her friends want her to. She doesn’t even know the meaning behind it. I think I’d feel better if I had a little more reason to believe church wasn’t just a social club. It’s not just there for hanging out with your friends.

      • On one point, there’s nothing wrong with her attending church just to see friends. She’s not using it as a “social club,” and I agree with you on that point. Church isn’t a place to see or be seen, but Corde is still 10, and right now church is a fun place to be where she’s accepted and has friends. Her motives are pure. Once she hits her teens, then she’ll have the superficial understanding you’re talking about.

        The subject of baptism, I agree with you. As a friend of mine put it years ago, her daughter just wanted to “go swimming in the pool at the front of the church.” Baptism is many faiths is a very personal and has a lot of significance. If she doesn’t understand what it means, then it should wait. A lot of pastors I know won’t baptize children until they understand what it’s all about.

        I know you’ve had some bad church experiences, and you don’t want to force religion on your children. You want them to be able to make their own decision about God–which I completely agree with. Everyone has free will has to ultimately make their own choice about who God is, but you can’t make an informed or wise choice unless you know all the facts. Allowing your kids to go to church will give them these facts about God so that they can make their own choice. Sure the church is teaching them doctrine, but if that doctrine is completely against your personal beliefs, or in my case against God’s Holy and infallible word, then I will teach them differently, and find another church.

        And, you have my permission to attend church just to be around adults and give yourself a break from your kids for a couple of hours. Do you really think you’d be the only one there doing that? LOL Churches are filled with parents who are there so they can talk to other adults–and escape their kids. Not every person who walks through that church door has pure motives for being there, but that’s okay, who is any one of the other sinners sitting beside them to judge?

      • I always love hearing your thoughts on everything! You always seem to have the answers I need to hear, just when I need to hear it! I’ve had a bunch of those moments lately. It’s funny what messages come when you’re open to listening.

  2. Reblogged this on The healthiest beauty.

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