We decided to go to church again tonight. Going once when I was incredibly tired really wasn’t a good way to judge what was going on, and even if I decided it wasn’t for me, I’d still get dinner out of it, and I’d know for sure. I’ve been trying to tell myself that I can’t really give something a chance unless I try it three times. Why three times? It’s just always seemed to work out for me in the past. If I try it three times and don’t like it, no matter how many more times I try it, I never really develop a taste for it. After three times, even if I don’t like something the first time, that’s enough time for it to grow on me.
Tonight’s dinner was really good, even though Sander really didn’t eat it. He chose to sit in the exact same chair he did last time, right next to the pastor. Luca was strapped on my back in a more traditional ring sling. I’ve found the Baby Hawke is just too much pressure on my back and I end up with an aching back. I have a feeling that will be better when I can wear him on my back. For now the sling worked great. I had him tucked up in front, laying down solidly asleep on the way there. I tried him on my hip, but couldn’t eat with him there, so I stuck him on my back, which he loved. Then he rode on my back all the way home. My back is still aching, but it’s better than it was last time. I think I might just need to build up some more strength in my back. I’ve never had that strong of a back.
Shortly after getting there Corde had to point out all the kids she’d met the last time she was there. None of them were her age, but she still really liked them. After dinner she went to talk to her friends. I came over to hear one of them telling her, “Obedience is always better than disobedience. Obedience is a mark of respect to your parents. When you listen to them, you show them you think they’re important, which means they want to do more with you and spend more time with you.” While I don’t want my children to be obedient little automatons, I’d rather them listen to what I have to say, or question it, not just blatantly disregard it. If they think I’m wrong, they’re free to discuss it with me, but ignoring me only ticks me off. I have to say, I’m really glad for this girl being a part of Corde’s life. She’s really someone I think is a good influence.
While I’m not all for pushing religion on my kids, this church is turning out to be a great place to meet people, good people, accepting people. I got compliments on my tattoo. Oz got comments about how I’ve got to have a back of steel to be carrying around my baby on my back, and good for me for doing it! The man who speaks every Wednesday is filled with nothing but messages of hope, acceptance, and love. He talks about walking away from the gossips, the users and abusers, and the thing that bring you down. You don’t need to drink or do drugs to be happy. And you certainly don’t need the people who treat you bad and want to bring you down a peg. I think I’m going to have Corde write a list of questions for him because he’s very unbiased, believes in love, not laws, and is one of the few people I’ve met that’s clearly non-denominational in the truest sense of the word. He doesn’t believe what you label yourself matters, just that you don’t get tied down by all the things you should and shouldn’t do, because if you approach life with love, acceptance, (and Jesus, of course) then you’ll always know the right thing to do.
I can’t say as I’m turning into a devout Christian or anything, but I think I’ve found a place that I can truly feel like I belong, where I’m accepted for being me. Maybe I won’t spill on everything. I think some things are still a little taboo (this is a church and all), but I’m finding that I’m okay with being there, and I find what I need more than anything, hope. My whole family is already making some wonderful connections and we’re finding the strength to carry on because other people are there to help us believe in ourselves, even Corde who is so easily down on herself. It feels like we’ve finally started to find a second home.