For the first time in a couple of days Corde got to see Maddy. Yesterday she told Maddy that she couldn’t play because she was in trouble. She really just didn’t want to play with her. I was beginning to wonder the same thing about today. We were taking on the task of cutting back Corde’s massively oversized wardrobe. She has about thirty shirts and had twenty or so pairs of pants. We’re not even starting to talk about her shorts yet because we’ve got to wash them before we go through them. I’m trying to get her to cut her wardrobe down to about seven of everything, seven long sleeve shirts, seven short sleeve shorts, seven sleeveless shirts, seven pairs of shorts, seven pairs of pants, and no more than seven sets of leggings and gym pants. I’ve cut back her sweaters and sweatshirts to four from what was clean and she has a handful more that are in the wash. When her dresser is so overflowing that she has to stack the laundry on top of it to deal with it all, she’s got too many clothes.
Maddy came over while we were going through this process, asking if Corde can play. Corde said she’d be out to play as soon as we were done with her clothes. Honestly, I’m kind of glad Maddy was long gone by the time we were done, but I wasn’t about to tell Corde that. The conversation really got under my skin. I’m really not ready to handle the start of the standard “tween” mentality from a 9 year old. I definitely don’t want to hear about it happening with Maddy’s 6 year old sister.
When we told Maddy what we were doing, she instantly wanted to help. I told her we didn’t need her help and it would be easier if we didn’t have our help. That’s when it all started. “I want to help so I can come in and draw her clothes, see if my mom can make me clothes like hers. Corde should be in school. She could have all the boys with the way she dresses.”
To this Corde looked kind of like a deer in headlights. Corde’s not into boys. She had one boy tell her that he wanted to be her boyfriend, but she didn’t want to do anything that boyfriends and girlfriends do. She just thought he was a nice guy and if they were still friends when they grew up, they’d probably get married. She wasn’t interested in more than that. She’s not about makeup. Doing her nails is just because she likes it. She doesn’t dress to impress the boys. She dresses the way she likes. I wouldn’t doubt if the idea of having a boyfriend never really crossed her mind.
Yet Maddy went on to complain about her boyfriend. She had to tell us who her boyfriend was again, but she was mad at him because he wanted to play with other people, not just her. He kept running off to play with other kids and from the way she told it I got the idea that he was kind of done on playing with her. He wanted to have other friends, not just Maddy. From what I found out, he’s not even sure he wants to be Maddy’s boyfriend. He’s still torn whether he’d rather have Maddy or Corde as a girlfriend. He likes Maddy because she’s tough and can beat up the other kids, but he likes Corde because she’s pretty, nice, and kind.
This is when I stepped in and told Maddy that was the problem with boyfriends. Most kids aren’t ready to have a relationship at her age because they don’t understand the point of a relationship. She had to tell me about how he wasn’t just a little kid and he was mature. I had to inform her that the kind of maturity needed for a relationship doesn’t tend to come until you’re a teenager. She just rolled her eyes at me. Then I asked her what her boyfriend was doing and why she was mad at him. She seemed to get irritated and I pointed out that I’d made my point. I told her having a boyfriend at her age didn’t serve any other purpose than making her look cool, and if she really was cool she wouldn’t need a boyfriend to prove it. Of course, I got the face that says adults don’t know what they’re talking about. Maddy didn’t want to hear that I don’t approve.
Next Maddy changed the subject and asked if she could keep the clothes Corde was giving up. I told her she was bigger than Corde, so they wouldn’t fit. Maddy thought I was calling her fat and had to inform me that she was really thin and can fit Corde’s bathing suit perfectly. I had to remind her that bathing suit is too big on Corde, so that kind of is the point. She wears a 10 and Corde still wears a 7/8, even though she’s 9. It’s not a problem, she’s just thin.
That’s when Maddy had to inform us that she sometimes wears her sister’s shirts because they’re really short on her and her belly hangs out, which means all the boys are paying attention to her. She’s all about having the boys pay attention to her. She’s so jealous that the boys seem to like Corde more than they like her. Then again, Corde’s not trying to get the attention of the boys. She’s not dressing in a provocative way. She’s not trying to wear makeup, paint her nails, or otherwise look appealing. Most of the boys in their age group really aren’t interested anyway. They’re more interested in running around and playing. They’re interested in having a variety of friends. They don’t really want to stick with one girl, especially since girls don’t tend to like the things they like playing.
Worse still, Maddy kept telling me that Corde wanted her hair cut just like Maddy’s. That way Corde would look extra hot for the boys. She seems to think that if Corde looked more like her then she’d have more luck netting boys. From what she claims she has two boyfriends now, which I don’t think I believe, especially since the neighbor boy doesn’t seem to have made up his mind on the subject. Maddy seems to have made up his mind for him because her sister had a boyfriend first and now Maddy’s boyfriend is the brother of her sister’s boyfriend.
This whole thing seems to have caused even more of a rift between Corde and Maddy, which I’m actually glad about. I’m really tired of Maddy’s attitude and I definitely don’t want anything to do with someone who will try and convince my daughter that having a boyfriend is really the only thing to do in life. I don’t want a girl around my house that seems to think the best thing she can do in her life is attract men. Seriously, the feminist side of me just wanted to wretch at the thought that this girl was so obsessed with having a boyfriend and being sexy for men. Ugh…it’s infuriating. Never mind the fact that I just don’t think a 9 year old is really ready for a boyfriend. They don’t even understand what a boyfriend really is, or shouldn’t understand the adult aspects of a relationship. At least teens are hitting that point where hormones are governing that drive, but these are just kids. They don’t have hormones driving them. They’re just doing it because it’s what society tells them to do. Her sister is 6 and feels very much the same way. It’s sickening.
I just don’t get why Maddy is so worked up because the neighborhood boys seem more interested in Corde than they are in her. If Maddy would just be herself and stop trying to be a turn-on she’d probably be fine. After all, when I was in school boys still had cooties at that age. Then again, I had a lot of friends who were boys, but I was a tomboy. I was into climbing trees, discussing battle strategies over the walkie-talkie, and other boyish things. I liked building, camping, and digging my feet in the mud. I had no interest in being girly and trying to land myself a boyfriend. I just though boys did things that were so much more fun. If Maddy would take the stance Corde does (they’re all kids and gender doesn’t mean anything) then she’d have less problems with boys.
I kind of feel bad for Maddy’s mom. I have a feeling she’s going to have problems young with that one. At least Corde is comfortable enough in who she is and what she wears that she doesn’t feel the need to show off for boys. I hope she continues to stay that way.